What just happened... twice?

I can't believe I am about to tell this story... here goes nothing!

I am an avid believer in taking chances because whatever happens happens, you can't go backwards!  When it comes to dating, I am pretty willing to try anything.  I have dabbled with online dating in the past.  It has typically ended up with more silly memories and funny stories than second dates.  So, in my 30 before 30 journey, I wanted to stretch myself again, put myself back into the online dating arena.  I signed up for a free service, which is risky because there is a greater chance of people looking for hookups, but I understood that reality, and still wasn't motivated to pay.

My profile was pretty straight forward.  I am not a girly girl, and I think that came through on my profile.  I did not have pictures that would be considered sexy by any stretch of the imagination.  My pictures were like my profile, straightforward.  I was looking for the joe next door.  The challenge with online dating is that so much of it is based on looks alone, but I knew what I was getting myself into.

In the beginning it was a fun hobby, it something I did as I flipped tv channels or listened to music.  I found a couple of guys that I was interested in, so I messaged them.  With my experience I know not to get hopes up, not to get too excited and certainly not to wait for one guy.  A couple of the guys responded and we started to email.  We emailed back and forth, as I waited for him to ask me out for an actual date.  While I am up with the times of online dating, I still prefer the gent to do the asking out, guess I have some old fashioned gal still left in me a little.

One Friday night after a long week of work, I sat down with a stiff cocktail and my computer to shop for dudes.  Well apparently I wasn't the only one doing this.  A cute gent asked to chat with me.  Hell ya!  So this guy was overly sarcastic, I fancy myself witty, but overt sarcasm with a stranger is a turn off.  With the alcohol giving me a confidence, and online dating giving me a degree of anonymity, I called the guy out on his BS.  I expected him to stop chatting with me immediately, instead just the opposite happened, I think I turned him on.  Suddenly he started asking me explicit sexual questions. Let me pause for a second and explain that I am quite comfortable with my sexuality and add a couple of drinks into the mix, what the hell.

Without any explanation or warning, we were a tumble in a virtual sexual interlude.  Filthy positions were being discussed, bouncing of my body parts was described at length, as was the length of other things.  Suddenly the word thrust was being used.  Ummmm?  What was happening?  While I was typing, I certainly was not participating outside of the computer as I imagine my friend on the other side perhaps was.  I lied like so many women in reality do, then I bid my friend farewell.

I was uncomfortable, uneasy, I downed my drink and made myself another.  When I got back to the computer my gent friend that I had been emailing with wanted to chat.  YAY!  During the discussion we decided to go out for a drink for an undetermined time that weekend.  Somehow we started talking about sex.  It started off slowly, again, I didn't realize where it was going.  I couldn't put the brakes on things immediately cause it happened so quickly, I was suddenly in the middle of a SECOND online sex interlude!!

WHAT!?

Well... I played along.  I figured it was the safest of all sex.  No STDs, no babies.  It was the most anonymous sex, I could just sign off when I was done and never talk to the guy again.  So, while the STDs and baby thing was comforting, the anonymous thing actually bugged me.

Although I quite comfortable with my sexuality, I am no slut.  I didn't loose my virginity until I was ready.  I wanted to do it with someone special.  Again, there's that old fashioned side of me.  Anyway, the idea that I was the object of a stranger's fantasy, that he was imagining me doing filthy things with him didn't sit right with me.  The second gent with whom I had been emailing didn't text or call me for the date on Sunday.  I think I was secretly grateful because I know that I would have been incredible uncomfortable.... we already had 'sex' before we even met.

In the end, I do not regret doing it.  The fact that I ended up doing it not once but twice in one night is rather ridiculous.  I will tell you that I learned somethings:  

1. People can be bad a virtual sex just like they can be bad at real sex, not me (I am incredibly descriptive and anyone who ends up with me will appreciate that quality).  

2. Typing and trying to have fun (you know what I mean) is near impossible and any girl who tells you otherwise is a liar.